Flock of Eagles Meadow-Lands of a 1000 Eli Faces: Thursday Night Football Edition
We all know how the week began, with Monday’s Flock of Eagles on a disappointing Vikings game in Philly.
Then again, it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish.
And despite any current Delaware Valley hyperventilating, the Defending Super Bowl Champion Philadelphia Eagles will be finishing first in their division.
What better place to bounce back then on the road just a few days later against the crumbling Giants?
Editorial Caveat: Thursday Night Football should not exist and puts NFL players at unnecessary risk.
That being said, I can’t pretend I’m not gonna watch this.
But I’m also not gonna drive up the turnpike in a rainstorm to MetLife, or even go out locally for the event on a school-night, so let’s try a Live Journal again, only this time documenting an Eagle win.
What NFL-sanctioned professional illustrator is doing the artwork for these?
And is he or she being serious, or just trolling you and me?
First Quarter:
14:53
The Birds Elect to Kick Off.
FUMBLE!
*sees replay*
Shit!
14:15
PICK!
*First Eli Face of the Evening*
13:15
Carson throws a nice TD pass rolling out, but considering where the flag got tossed, I’m guessing that’s coming back.
*after further review*
NOPE!
TOUCHDOWN!
Let’s watch that sequence again, shall we?
*Cuts to Shaquem Griffin commercial, catches chills*
11:36
Saquan Barkley rips off a huge 46-yard run, I can’t really blame Jalen Mills for whiffing with an angle, I wouldn’t wanna tackle that guy.
“He has a generational spirit when it comes to playing the game” Pat Shurmer told Fox about Saquan Barkley.
What does that even mean?!?
FOH, Patrick.
As an Eagles Fan, I continue to celebrate the Giants making a running back their highest draft pick since Lawrence Taylor in 1981.
As for this Giants’ drive, it stalled because their QB is washed, while they’re currently the worst third-down and red-zone team in the league, despite having a generational talent at wide receiver in Odell Beckham Jr. and a generational spirit in Saquan Barkley.
Anywell….I’ll take the field goal.
9:22
Wendell Smallwood loses four on the carry…can Howie put a call into Pittsburgh to at least offer a fourth-rounder for Le’veon already?
8:45
Carson gets hit on the arm as he throws, Nelson comes back for the resulting floater, I’m still not sure how this play actually happened.
7:51
Carson hit on the arm as he throws for the third or fourth time.
Each time the pressure came from the edge, against the Eagles formidable pair of tackles, two on Jason Peters and two on Lane Johnson.
So far, this season continues to look different, and not in a good way.
6:56
Eli, who nowadays looks like Andy Capp falling backwards after getting tossed out of his corner bar whenever he takes a snap from under center, gets sacked by Michael Bennett (NO FLAG ON THE PLAY TODAY!) and fumbles the football at his own one-yard line.
*Eli Face #2*
DEANDRE CARTER on the Return
2:25
Helmet-to-Helmet there on that Corey “Dot the K & Dot the C” Clement run that got stopped just short of the goal line?
1:25
After absorbing two straight helmet shots that’ll likely shave a few months off the back-end of his life, Clement gets the TD he deserved.
:25
Where is Eli throwing these balls?!? Another Giants three-and-out.
ELI: “Sure ‘Carter V’ is Weezy’s best album since 2008, but that says about as much as 2016 being my best season since our last Super Bowl.”
“Damn, that’s kinda true…you know that new Mannie Fresh joint go tho.”
Second Quarter:
Joe Buck, in a night of gushing about Saquan Barkley, including how nice a young man he is, says after a nine-yard-scamper:
“Get used to it, folks, he’s gonna be around awhile”
Um…he is a running back. You sure about that?
Will the Giants find a quarterback while Saquan’s still able to hurdle defenders while making “the best nine yard run I’ve ever seen?” plays?
Okay.
10:26
Another three-and-out.
Third in a row.
Boos starting to rain down like the intermittently drizzling and driving showers on a swampy night in Jersey.
8:14
Zach Ertz catches a pass and somehow can’t fall forward two yards to pick up the first down.
7:45
Barkley making them miss. We’re gonna need another big three-and-out inside the red zone from Eli to limit this to a field goal.
Penalty, Misfire to Wayne Gallman, Another Misfire to Gallman, then another roughing the passer on Bennett, unlike Sunday night, at least this one wasn’t a sack where he gently lifts his legs and places him on the ground, but a “failure to brace when falling on him following thru” on a tackle to a quarterback who’d already gotten rid of the football.
We’re gonna really need some Bad Eli to keep them out of the end zone now.
5:48
And there he is, right on time like a PATCO train.
*Eli Face #4*
5:38
DOES ANYONE ON THIS EAGLES TEAM FEEL LIKE BLOCKING?!?!?
5:32
The Eagles have so little time that Zach Ertz catches a pass for two yards, then facing a tackle pitches it back to Alshon Jeffery, who gains one more.
5:13
Agholor gets freed up enough to be wide open in the middle of the field and answer Carson’s prayer for a 58-yard-gain.
All of the Eagles biggest chunk plays have come on a receiver breaking their route, coming back for the ball or making a sandlot-style move, free-lancing whenever they sense Carson may in danger, which seems to be nearly every play.
4:22
Ertz beats Janoris Jenkins, who Aikman refers to matter-of-factly as “Jackrabbit”, like others would say “Tiger” or “Magic”.
Despite his appreciation for the moniker, Troy Boy notes that he has lost a step.
When you’re dubbed Jackrabbit, but by NFL corner standards are considered slow now, can you get downgraded to a lesser animal nickname?
Will he be Squirrel by the time the Giants visit The Linc over Thanksgiving Weekend?
2:54
A Giant lineman picks up Carson Wentz and slams him to the ground, on the other end of the play Jackrabbit runs up Jordan Matthews’ back prior to the arrival of the ball. Refs you better call something on that….and by that, I mean either one of those two egregious offenses, or both if somehow possible. They end up going with “Roughing The Passer” for a penalty of fifteen yards and a first down, which for the Giants is easily the best of the two options.
2:04
The Eagles gain a first down on the ground. First time all night? Smallwood on the carry.
It would be nice to be able to run the ball in a game they’ll likely be leading by 2-3 scores for 2-3 quarters.
1:34
4th & 2, near midfield, Carson still out there, is Doug going for it? Nah. After trying to draw them off (does this ever work for anyone anymore?) the punting unit comes on and they pin the Giants just inside their own ten.
1:18
Jalen Mills, scorched again for a huge gain, Giants now in the red zone.
:34
They go at Mills again, this time in the end zone, Eli overthrows not just Lattimore, but Mills who had a far better shot at catching it.
:28
FIFTEEN straight missed third downs between tonight and last Sunday (@Carolina) for the Giants. That’s a fairly incredible stretch of futility.
:17
If Troy calls this dude Jackrabbit one more time…
Aikman then still complains about the pass interference call after he jumps right into the back of another receiver (this time Alshon Jeffery) before the ball gets there. He also mistaking states that his man Jackrabbit has been unfairly penalized twice. when the ref clearly stated “no pass interference on the play” on the other play in question before announcing the personal foul on Michael Bennett.
Probably as good a time as any for this:
C’mon…you know the resemblance is as uncanny as it is unlikely. I for one have not been able to unsee it ever since the internet discovered it.
*Jake Elliott’s Super Bowl Hangover Continues as He Misses From 52*
:02
Oh, go ahead, let’s see Eli try to toss a Hail Mary.
And….instead it’s a check down.
“Thought So!”(c)B.D.P. on “Poetry”
Though Odell heading to the locker room with two seconds left to go will likely feed a few days of fodder to WFAN & The Mike Francesa Show.
Third Quarter:
TOUCHDOWN! Alshon on BJ “You No” Goodson.
Game. Set. Match.
And we still have to play almost a half.
6:44
On 3rd and 5, Eli nearly tosses a two-yard pass to Odell to the Gatorade buckets on the sideline, Odell makes a crazy one-handed grab, then shakes Malcolm Jenkins, despite him being in position to make a tackle, to gain nine yards on the play.
Thus ends the Giants third-down streak failures at fifteen straight.
6:04
Hand off to Barkley. Gone. He or Odell breaking one is pretty much the only way the Giants will find the end zone. Not even slightly worried.
5:40
FUMBLE. Smallwood.
Was I thumbing my nose at the Football Gods with that last bit of commentary?
The refs on the field are giving it to the Giants but that replay tells me the Eagles are gonna keep this one.
And they do!
3:21
Jordan Matthews makes second straight slant catch from Wentz to convert a third-and-long.
Carson seems glad to have his church-buddy back.
That will take this latest Eagle drive into the fourth.
Fourth Quarter:
Time has officially become the Eagles’ greatest ally this side of an errant Eli toss or poor Giant coaching.
Lane Johnson looks hurt at some point on a play in the red zone at the end of the third quarter.
Cut to commercial after an injury timeout…Lane is back on the field.
Wait a minute, you can’t do that, if time stops for injury then said player has to stay off the field for at least one play.
Johnson trots back off to do his one-play penance once they catch him.
“Surprising to see him try to sneak back in the game”-Buck on Johnson.
Hey Joe, how familiar are you with the work of our man Spiked-Vein Lane?
Joe and Troy are now filling by discussing Hulk Hogan for the second or third time tonight, this time due to a Hulkster tweet.
Aikman is talking about Terry Bollea at a level of effusiveness that would make Joe Buck’s Saquan Barkley Crush blush.
This was a bond that apparently developed during their shared time as pitchmen for a predatory lending furniture company.
They may look alike, but I’m guessing at least one difference between Troy Boy & Jay-Z is the latter probably doesn’t love Hulk quite as much.
6:53
Fletcher Cox looks like he’s actually trying to eat Eli Manning.
Eli’s runs backwards to Rospikes the ball into the ground when he sees Fletch, who sacked him the play before, trailing him like a hell-hound.
A crowd of drunk and angry Giant Fans who have no idea how scary a prospect that must be, boo lustily.
6:49
The Giants, after being shut out on third down for nearly two full games, pick up an improbably second in a row on a 3rd-and-16 short pass to Gallman, Jalen Mills is down and appears hurt on the play.
Shut Up, EaglesTwitter, I can only imagine what you have to say.
But this depleted secondary was down Rodney McLeod coming into the game, while Sidney Jones was already declared done for the night.
Get Well, Green Goblin.
5:19
MILLS BACK!!!
#31 BEATS #13 ON 4th & GOAL!!!
NOPE!!!
GOOD NO-CALL!!!
4:04
E-A-G-L-E-S EAGLES chants now clearly heard on TV while echoing around an emptying MetLife Stadium.
3:06
Are we sure Carson Wentz needs to still be in this game?
*The Two-Minute Warning Brings Forth Our Final Eli Face of the Evening*
1:39
Beckham runs backwards on the punt return for an eight-yard loss, surveys the impending Eagle tackling doom and pirouettes to the sideline.
Smart Move. Probably not going to be a popular decision in New York tomorrow though.
The whole Odell-returning-punts experiment hasn’t looked great tonight…or last Sunday.
Great receiver, but as a return weapon, he’s certainly not been this guy:
This OBJ Punt Team Adventure might not be worth the risk for anyone involved, especially since the Eagles have officially ended yet another Giant season and the Giants now sit at 1-5.
In honor of both the appropriated title of this post, along with providing an emphatic answer to the question “do you think the 2018 New York Giants can recover from this?”, I give you this memorable chorus, sung by the one and only Wicked Wilson Pickett:
It’s a 52-year-old song, but still completely holds up.
The 1985 cover version from The Wrestling Album?
Not so much.
Until We Meet Again…You Be The Judge.
