Wudder Sports T.G.I.Football Friday Edition: NFL Divisional Round, College Wrap-Up, Charger Pack-Up
It’s the Sport of Kings, Better than Diamond Rings…
OK, if we’re keeping it a hundo, Wild Card weekend was closer to a Cubic Zirconia.
Nothing that occurred in the NFL last weekend will be remembered next week, let alone next year.
That is of course aside from GODgers’ Hail Mary TD at the end of the first half in Lambeau.
Anyone hoping for a Giant victory, deep down knew in that moment, their dream had died.
Okay, so we lied, maybe there were a couple more memorable things...
When does it stop being funny? Not yet.
But we powered thru the rest of the forgettable action, and by the end, jettisoned three irrelevant pretenders (Lions and Raiders and Fins…oh my) in the process.
The final game of the professional unpaid-labor football league, on Monday night, helped wash away the taste of Wild Card Weekend’s weak sauce from our mouth.
That is if you were willing to stay up until 1 AM EST on a Monday, to see the game-winning TD toss, plus Christian Wilkins' split technique.
Which I think we can all agree, was a big improvement over the prior week’s split technique.
Let’s not probe into the matter any further.
Like Hittman's presence on Dr. Dre’s classic 2001 album, he should've saved his heat for a solo project.
As for Alabama’s performance, as a general rule in a championship football game: if you’re best pass all night is thrown by your wide receiver, you probably won't win.
Well, except for the Steelers, with Antwaan Randal-El to Hines Ward accounting for one more TD on one play, than Little Big Ben did all day, in the 2006 Super Bowl.
But let’s get down to business, with this upcoming weekend’s four-pack of picks.
Business, that if you were betting (for entertainment purposes only) with Nostrabombus, put some change in your pocket this week. Especially if you listened to our gut, then brought your own guts + grip of cash, to place on the Clemson money line Monday Night.
Seattle Seahawks at Atlanta Falcons (-4.5)
Saturday 4:35 Eastern/7:35 Pacific on FOX
Historically, the Falcons are a tough team to trust.
Their only Super Bowl ever, led to the NFL’s Man of The Year getting caught up the night before the game on a prostitution bust.
Whoever said "all publicity is good publicity" never visited Mr. Robinson's neighborhood on Super Bowl Sunday 1999.
Seattle is the only avian-themed team (among Falcons, Eagles, Cardinals) to have at least one instance of not coming down with Bird Flu in a Super Bowl. But that was with Marshawn Lynch getting his number called and Earl Thomas anchoring the secondary. They’re 30th in the league since he left. Plus, they’re a team built for their homefield, traveling Southeast from the Pacific Northwest.
We don’t need to trust the onetime Dirty Birds of ATL to win the Super Bowl, we just need to believe they can put up 30 points at home. If so, we don’t see how Russell Wilson will be able to match that long enough for the Seahawk season to have much future (see what we did there) beyond this weekend.
Nostrabombus Pick: The Dome Birds With All Their Stars Healthy At The Same Damn Time
Houston Texans at New England Patriots (-16)
Saturday 8:15 Eastern/11:15 Pacific on CBS
Yuck. Do we have to? I think I might rather sit thru three straight episodes of all three incarnations of NCIS on CBS, than watch this mess.
This is the Scheduling Gods telling football fans to do something else with their Saturday night than center your evening around this game.
I’ve never seen a team get 16 points, as one of the final eight teams in the playoffs, and still not temp me in the slightest to take the points. And I say that as a Pats hater who doesn’t see Brady winning a Bowl without Gronk out there looking like a polar bear running thru opposing secondaries.
Brock Osweiler is listed as PROBABLE on the injury update this week.
Brock Osweiler’s chances of winning this game in Foxboro are listed at OUT.
Nostrabombus Pick: C’Mon.
There's no ties in the playoffs, but a mercy rule might not be a bad idea.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Kansas City Chiefs (-2.5)
Sunday 1:05 PM Eastern/10:05 Pacific on NBC
OH YEAH! Sunday's lineup is looking sweeter than this classic Big Red Kool-Aid Man GIF.
It starts with this one. The Steelers looked formidable last week, and made us feel foolish for picking Matt Moore to cover on the road but hey...this is in Arrowhead. It's not an easy place to win ever. Neither is beating Andy Reid on a bye with a week to game-plan.
Toss in Big Ben being dinged, Kansas City having a huge special teams advantage and us still not being convinced Pittsburgh's defense is even good let alone special.
The Steelers trio is probably the best in the playoffs, while they were even briefly favored in this game in the beginning of the week. We'll be surprised if this game is decided before the late fourth regardless, we'll go with our gut on the coach with the biggest one.
Also miss me with all the media hand-wringing about the conflicts in rooting for, or watching, Tyreek Hill. Anyone tuned into the NFL is essentially witnessing bloodsport. Big Head Ben has been accused of rape two to three times, and Steeler assistant Joey Porter just tried to fight a Pittsburgh bouncer that he previously threatened to kill last weekend. Let someone other than Roger Goodell, or mealy-mouthed think-pieces legislate your morality, on people you don't know, that you're watching risk life and limb for a living. Tyreek Hill is there because he can do this:
That's It.
"And That's All..."
Nostrabombus Pick: Live At The Bar-B
Green Bay Packers at Dallas Cowboys (-5)
Sunday 4:40 PM Eastern/1:40 Pacific on FOX
You wanna give me five points with a rookie QB and a mediocre defense, facing off against the hottest Hall of Fame quarterback in the history of life?
To top it off they’re playing in the Jerry Dome with its debatable home field advantage swallowed up by the sheer size, cheer sideshows and amount of people staring up at the Orwellian replay screen?
Did I mention GODgers puts up with the cold in Lambeau, but is really more of a California kid, who prefers the mid-60’s game temperature he’ll get down in Big D?
Have we mentioned this is a rookie who was leaking oil a couple weeks back, that now has had additional time to think about what he’s trying to do, while watching GODgers dismember a division rival with a far better D than his team’s last week?
I know Zeke Elliott is a beast. We all understand they have the best offensive line in football. But one way or another, Green Bay (with or without Jordy Nelson) will find a way to score 34 points or more. Will Dallas do the same without turnovers, which GODgers-led offenses don’t do often?
We not only hope not, but highly doubt it. Take the points if you wanna play it safe but if things go well, you might wanna look at the money-line here.
Nostrabombus Pick: As Bundini Brown said in When We Were Kings, "how you gonna beat God's Son?!?"
2017 Playoff Record So Far: 3-2
Thoughts on the San Diego Chargers becoming the Los Angeles Chargers?
I look forward to this weekend of playoff games so the national sports media can stop trying to convince us to care. Like the Clippers, it barely moves the meter in Southern California, San Diego or L.A., so let's not pretend it does, or even should, matter elsewhere.
Props to San Diego tho for not buying a billionaire a playpen just for the right to be an hour drive closer eight days a year. We appreciated your hospitality whenever we came to visit.
